My Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome Story

I have been going back and forth for about a month now deciding if I should share my experience of getting my tubal ligation done. It isn't easy to share such personal information, but I feel like I need to inform all mothers who are considering tubal ligation.

     After giving birth to Rose at 24 years old via c-section (my fourth) I had asked my doctor to tie my tubes. They never said for medical reasons they suggest it or anything like that. Matt and I just feel so blessed to have four healthy babies and were nervous to get pregnant for a fifth time and risk another high risk pregnancy and c-section. This form of birth control made the most sense and seemed like the easiest and safest. After the surgery I felt great, since it was my fourth I knew what to expect. I actually asked to leave the day after my surgery because I missed my boys. Fast forward 16 months to when I started the processes of weaning Rose from breastfeeding and my cycle returned--I felt terrible. I knew my first period would stink, but it was HORRIBLE! As the month continued, I was having more and more awful symptoms-- the biggest ones being headaches, lower back pain, dizziness, mood swings. One night after putting the kids to sleep (Matt was working late) I was folding the laundry when I felt the sharpest, cramping, intense pain around my left ovary. I was bent over in pain which continued like this for hours. I took Tylenol to try to fall asleep, but still woke up a bunch of times. After researching and talking to my doctor about my symptoms we thought it may have been an ovarian cyst that burst during ovulation. I thought this was weird because I have never had a history of cysts (later I found out cysts are another symptom caused by the TL.) The symptoms kept coming as the month continued-- vivid dreams, night sweats, fatigue etc. I actually started thinking something was seriously wrong with me. I had to take a break from Pure Barre, which if you know me, is a big part of my life.

     I did some more research and found I have identical symptoms as many other woman who have had their tubes tied. As many as 50% of woman who have had this surgery experience these symptoms and guess what the only way to feel relief is? Getting another surgery to get it reversed! Why do so many woman have these symptoms from a surgery that is supposed to have little to no risks? The biggest risk being ectopic pregnancy, but with a success rate of 99.99% you don't need to worry about that really according to doctors. When you get your tubes tied you are cutting off the normal blood flow to your ovaries which causes a hormonal imbalance and is the reason many woman have these symptoms. What I don't understand is why this form of birth control is still happening. I regret not doing any research before getting them tied. I have read so many horror stories of mothers resulting in them going on birth control to stop ovulation to help mask some of their symptoms. I just can't imagine after doing something so drastic to myself to ensure no more babies to then have to get on birth control and for how long? Until menopause in 25+ years?

   Some woman have been lucky enough to find a surgeon to do a reversal. It is a very high risk procedure that is about three hours long and takes about two weeks to recover from. Also, comes at a price of around $7,000 just for the surgery, that's not including the anesthesia or the appointments and tests leading up to the surgery. Not only are you putting yourself at risk getting the reversal that has only a 60%-80% success rate it is NOT covered by insurance. Tubal ligation is covered because it means no more babies that the insurance company will have to pay for. Makes sense that they don't want to cover it, but when you are having these symptoms every single day from a surgery that is supposed to have little to no risks that they did cover it's hard not to be upset. The last option is a hysterectomy and at 26 years old, I just feel I can not do this. My body has been through so much I am not ready to put it into early menopause like that. Though many woman who can't afford the tubal reversal have no other choice to relieve themselves of the pain their tubal ligation has brought them because a hysterectomy is covered by insurance since once again, it means no more babies. The medical industry makes money off of woman who get tubal ligations and then they get even MORE money when they end up needing to get a hysterectomy because of the pain their tubal ligations give them! It is SO disturbing!

   I am writing this post to warn mothers of the risks of getting your tubes tied. There ARE risks! Do not let what has happened to me, happen to you. I am so blessed to have a supportive husband and parents who are helping Matt and I afford the surgery so I can have my life back and be here for my children. I will be getting my tubal reversal next week. I am so nervous and wish more than anything I didn't have to, but I am not myself and I just wish I didn't do it to begin with. I was lucky to be able to get pregnant and carry healthy babies and not all woman can say that. I can't help but feel like this is what I deserve for doing this, for messing with my body and the way it is supposed to work. As I am sure many of you are wondering if we will be having more children in the future since I am getting the reversal. Right now we are just focused on my health-- if we are to have another baby we will feel blessed and welcome them with open arms, but it is not something we are planning at the moment. Also, I have met a lot of sweet mothers while doing my research. There are actually over 3,000 mothers in a Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome Facebook group. I came across Rebekah's Tubal Ligation story on her blog and it really stood out to me please feel free to read it here.

If you have any questions or would like to tell me your story feel free to email me, comment below or message me on Instagram- @melissaaworthington

Full list of Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome here

Marriage

I have had many friends and followers ask me how Matt and I find time to ourselves and/or keep the spark alive in our marriage. I figured with Valentine's Day right around the corner this is the perfect time to write a post about it!

This past New Year's Eve my husband, Matt and I celebrated our five year wedding anniversary!
I have heard that "the first year is the hardest." I didn't find this to be true for us though. I was so excited to marry Matt and I remember the first few months after our wedding getting butterflies being able to say "my husband" as I tried to hold back smiling up to my ears. Over these past five years we have matured and grown. We were only 21 and 22 years old when we got married. A lot has happened since we said "I do." We have had THREE more kids, moved three times and even bought a puppy! Here is what we do to keep our marriage a strong one.

Compromise

No marriage is perfect! I am a firm believer in this. Every relationship has their ups and downs and people in relationships will argue at some point. You can't agree on everything, you are two different people. Matt and I like to compromise if he is set on his way about something and I feel totally different we put our marriage first and find a compromise. Marriage can be hard it takes work at times.

Where it all started

Two people need to share the responsibility for romance and love in the relationship. Marriage is not a one sided thing you BOTH have to put in the effort. Once you have kids it is even harder to remember life before them. I do my best to occasionally look back at old pictures and remember how my heart would race when Matt would just even look at me and my eyes would light up.

Appreciate each other

It feels good to be appreciated. It is as simple as that. Matt goes to work for our family. He sits in traffic and works all day. I know most people do this, but he does this for me, so I can be at home where I want to be taking care of our beautiful babies and so we have a warm home to sleep in and food to eat. I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate all he has done and continues to do for his family. Take the time to tell them how much you appreciate them!

Little things

This falls under appreciating each other I believe, but doing little things every day for each other makes a world of difference in a a relationship. For example, Matt will fill up my gas tank if he sees it is low or pick up the one grocery I forgot at the store or move the wash to the dryer. Every morning I make his coffeee and lunch and when we are watching a show I will sometimes scratch his back, because I want to make him know I am thinking about him, even if it is just a small thing like picking up his clothes if he forgot to throw them in the hamper.  These little things don't go unnoticed.

Date night in or out

Whenever I feel like our kids schedules or just life in general is getting overwhelming and we aren't spending enough time together one of us usually suggests a date night. We put the kids to bed (early like usual) pick a show or a movie to watch, get some take out and just enjoy some time together in peace. Obviously, it is nice to go out too, but I prefer to save it for special occasions like birthdays or our anniversary.

Matt and me have never really had much time as just us. I got pregnant with Landon very soon after we started dating and since then our relationships main focus became our kids. Even with four kids we know our marriage comes first to the both of us. When our kids grow up (because sadly they all do) Matt and I will be just that, Matt and I. Lucky for us, we had our kids young so hopefully when our kids are older, we can take that time to travel and actually enjoy a vacation without having to worry about nap times.

I want our children to grow up with a strong example of a happy marriage.  

Hope you found this post to be a helpful!

Trent is THREE

I don't think I have written an update on Trent since he turned one!

There is so much to say about our youngest son, so I am going to jump right in! Ever since Trent was born, he has been a mama's boy. I nursed him the longest besides Rose and I have always felt such a special, yet different bond to him compared to our other boys. I am not sure how many of you know this, but Matt and I picked the name Trent because it is my maiden name.  When I found out we were having our THIRD boy, I was shocked to say the least. I was 110% sure Trent was a girl, so much so that I had bought some bows already. We went in for our NT Scan at 13 weeks and the ultrasound tech said she was sure it was a boy. I didn't believe her and I thought she was wrong and I was in denial for weeks! We went to two or three gender scans outside my OB practice and they all said the same thing. It wasn't until our 20 week gender scan, where they confirmed yet again, we were indeed having our third boy that I started to warm up to the idea! The thought of Landon and Oliver having a little brother to follow them around and be the three little amigos made my heart melt! I reminded myself how badly I wanted a third child--boy or girl. Matt and I wanted another baby it didn't matter the sex all that mattered was that they were healthy and he was.

Trent was our only child to not need any NICU time after birth. You may not think that is a very big deal, but trust me as a mother who has experienced both having your brand new baby taken from you for days, weeks or even months after birth or getting to cuddle, nurse and bond with your baby right from the womb and take them home with you-- it is a WORLD of difference. I am not saying I don't have a strong bond with the rest of my children, but my bond with Trent is different. Trent has always been unique, I mean just look at him! He has a fair skin tone, blue/green eyes and is BLONDE! I never in a million years thought I would have blonde baby! Since his skin is so fair and dry he has AWFUL eczema. Matt and I have to literally put vaseline all over his body after showers or his skin cracks.

As for personality, I mentioned before, he is a true mama's boy. Trent wants to be with me all the time which has obviously brought up major challenges because Rose is always very clingy and wants to be held by me all the time, so they both cry at my feet wanting to be picked up which is so hard. Trent loves Rose, but he needs to feel comforted and loved by me or he has a meltdown. The older they get the easier it is getting though! Trent has really bonded with Matt over Hot Wheels recently and it is so nice to see them playing together for hours on the floor. I know most two and three year olds are picky eaters, but there is no way they are more picky than our T man. Luckily, Matt can get him to eat, but it is a struggle. I am not even talking about fruit and vegetables, just any food! It is something I can't wait to bring up at his check up next week. Its strange because he doesn't look skinny Trent has always been a different build than his brothers more muscular, but I assure you he hardly eats!

Literally, the day Trent turned two, he didn't like choo choo trains anymore which was rough, because his theme was Thomas the Train and he became OBSESSED with Lightning McQueen (the theme for his third birthday this year!) We have to listen to the Cars intro song by Sheryl Crow on repeat in the car, the second he wakes up he grabs a little Lightning McQueen car to hold and play with the entire day-- kind of like a security blanket. Out of all four kids, Trent is by far the most shy. If a stranger is to even look at him, he hides behind me and won't make eye contact the entire time

This past September, Matt and I signed Trent up for preschool twice a week for three hours. The first few weeks were hard he cried some when we left, but he has really adjusted and loves his teacher so much. We potty trained Trent in July this past summer when he was 2 and a half years old and it took him maybe 2 days to get the hang of it and we haven't looked back since! Another big change for Trent over this past summer was we moved him out of his crib and into a toddler bed in his bothers room so all three boys are now sleeping in one room and Princess Rose has her own room-- haha! Trent LOVES being treated like such a big boy so much so he decided this past month he no longer needs a nap and trust me when I say this he does, he really, really does.

                 

We all adore Trent in this house he will always be the baby boy. Landon and Oliver enjoy looking after him and guiding him when he needs help. Trent, I can't imagine my life without you. I couldn't be more proud of the kind boy you are growing up to be. I'll love you forever my sweet boy.

Hair Tutorial

I have been requested by a few followers to explain my hair routine and I am very flattered! Thank you!

As a mom of 4 kids 5 and under, I don't have much time for a long beauty routine. I am sure most of you can relate! I do my best to shower daily, but only wash my hair 2 or 3 times a week depending on time, weather and events etc. Since I am still breastfeeding, I try to drink as much water as I can which sadly isn't as much as I probably should. I also still take my prenatal vitamin which is recommend for all woman in their childbearing years. These two things have helped my hair stay pretty healthy, despite loosing some after each of my pregnancies. I know it might be hard to believe, but my hair used to be a lot thicker which is why I prefer it curled. It helps make it have more volume and appear to be thicker.

These are the products I use:

Shampoo and conditoner 

Finishing oil

Brush

Hairspray


Step One: Wash!

I wash and shampoo my hair. I shampoo my scalp mostly and not my ends and I only put conditioner on my ends. In the past, shampooing my ends has made them drier and break more easily so I try to avoid it.

Step Two: Detangle!

Some women like to do this step after applying their conditioner in the shower while there hair is still wet. I do sometimes, but today I didn't.

Step Three: Dry!

I prefer to air dry my hair after I towel dry it. I usually wash my hair at night right after putting the kids to sleep or right after Matt gets home depending on the day. My hair usually dries within two hours. If I am in a hurry, I will blow dry it quickly.

Step Four: Curl!

This is the curling iron I use. I brush and then curl ~4 inch wide sections of my hair. Switching each time the way I roll the iron up.

Step Five: Finishing touch!

You only need about a dime size amount of the oil and ONLY put it on your ends or your hair will look greasy. I flip my head down and up a few times and shake it to loosen the curls and then I spray the hair spray all around once. I am not a huge hairspray person, I really don't love the feel of it and my hair gets knots the next day if I use too much.


Done!

From start to finish (on dry hair) I would say this takes me about 15 minutes and lasts 3ish days. I hope this tutorial helps! If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment below or message me on instagram (melissaaworthington)



Have a great week!

Rose||15 Months

Rose is 15 months old now, and has started the most fun stage of toddlerhood in my opinion.  She is learning all sorts of words and will now nod yes or no when you ask her questions. Rose is walking (running) everywhere and trying to climb the couch every chance she gets. It is very exhausting chasing after her, but still so fun to watch Rose exploring and learning!! It has been a joy watching Rose's excitement over the Christmas tree and decorations this year. Last year at this time, Rose was just a few months old so seeing Santa was no big deal. We just went to visit the jolly old man and Rose was not a fan to say the least! Hopefully next year, we will finally get all four smiling! 

Breastfeeding: Rose is still nursing around four times a day. Waking up one time anywhere from 9pm-4am when she eats and goes right back to sleep most nights--I don't mind it. Rose usually, nurses when she wakes up for the day and then before her afternoon nap and once more before bed. If Rose is sick, she nurses more often. I am sure some of you are wondering when I will be weaning her and as of now my plan is to slowly start around 18 months. I hope Rose self weans before then though, because I would prefer it to be her decision rather than mine. It is important to me to do my best to keep her healthy through this winter and breastmilk is the best thing I can giver her to do that.

Sleep: Rose is napping once a day around 12:30pm-2pm. Bedtime is around 7pm and she will wake once like I mentioned earlier to nurse and she goes back to sleep until 6:30am. 

Solids: Though we have been exploring all foods since turning one, she still loves to nurse and when she is sick that is the only thing she will accept. Sadly, Rose has gotten a few colds and one double ear infection since her brothers have started school this fall which has resulted in not much weight gain since turning one in September. During her appointment last week her doctor reassured me that after turning one slow weight gain is normal and with Rose being so active since learning to walk and not being too interested in solids she is not concerned because for her height Rose's weight is normal. 

Personality: Rose has really come out of her shell since my last update! Rose loves to walk around in public places and smile at everyone. If a stranger tries to talk to her, Rose is quick to turn right around and run to me. 

New this month: 

Clearly says "Dada" or " Dad" to Matt, "Mama" or "Mom" to me, "Papa" to my Dad and we even heard her say "hi" and"Landon" a few times! Rose is getting closer to saying "Grandma" and associates everyone with their name! More recent words are "car" and "that" (while pointing at objects)

Weight: 20lbs 

Height: 29.5 inches 

Clothing Size:12-18 month

Eye Color: dark brown

Hair: Brown and curly in the back straight on top
Teeth: Two top and two bottom center 

Dislikes: Being held by other people, being moved away from doing something naughty
Likes: Nursing, goldfish, cherrios, showers/baths with Mommy, her brothers attention, pulling her bows over her eyes, putting everything in her mouth, especially her fingers

World Prematurity Day 2016

When I first found out I was pregnant with Landon back in November of 2010, I was terrified. I was a sophomore in college, Matt was a senior, we had not been dating long. I remember looking at that positive pregnancy test knowing my life had changed forever. Even though I was young and terrified I knew one thing, I was in love with my baby. 

I left college to move home in December, Matt continued his senior year and came down from Pennsylvania to Virginia every weekend to see me and our growing baby. It was probably sometime in February that I noticed my face, hands and feet getting swollen. I figured it was just pregnancy. In March, I quit working because the swelling had gotten so bad. One morning in mid April, I woke up and could hardly open my eyes they were so swollen. My mom drove me to my OBGYN and they right away sent me to the hospital. My blood pressure was very high it was then that they diagnosed me with preeclampsia. My mom had it with me and it is more common with younger and older woman during pregnancy. Matt rushed down from school to be with me. I had to change to a high risk doctor who would be delivering Landon. My new high risk doctor put me on magnesium for my blood pressure which makes you feel like you have the flu times 100. After talking about my blood pressure and Landons lack of growth recently, he decided it would be best to have a c-section that day! I couldn't believe it I was only 27 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Landon was just measuring 2lbs I was devastated! Hearing the news that we would be meeting out first born that day should have been happy news, but instead I was dreading it. I knew it was what had to be done for my health and for his. 

At 4:11pm on April 19th, 2011 Landon James Worthington was born. Matt and I heard his little kitten cry in the silent, cold operating room. I didn't get to see him as expected they rushed him to the table and wrapped him in aluminum foil and gave him oxygen. I asked Matt to be with him I just wanted him to be with Landon. The nurses brought him over for me to kiss his little face while I got stitched up. Matt and the nurse went down to the NICU with Landon in an isolette where he would be staying for the next three months. Once in recovery all I could think about was Landon, I just wanted to be with him, but I couldn't.  I don't remember much, but after two days I was finally able to hold Landon. It wasn't how I had imagined my first time holding him would be after all those months he was growing in my tummy. I had to ask permission and there were so many cords I could hardly even see his little face behind his oxygen mask and feeding tube, but I felt whole again. After days of feeling like part of me was missing, I was finally whole again, holding my baby boy in my arms where he belonged. In the coming days if I wasn't forcing myself to eat or pumping I was begging Matt to wheel me down to the NICU. The nights were the worst-- I still get choked up writing about it today. I would cry every night, Matt would get in my hospital bed and hold me and I would cry my eyes out. I would cry because I was emotionally in pain and then I would cry because I was physically in pain. Every night I would hear the newborns next door crying for their mothers it was a constant reminder that I couldn't be there to take care of my baby. 

After days at the hospital recovering from my preeclampsia and c section we had to leave Landon and go home. Also during that time Matt had to leave to take his finals and I had never felt more alone. I had to be strong though for Landon and for Matt. I couldn't imagine having to study for finals and write papers with our son so premature in the hospital states away. Matt was so brave and strong during this time. Even having incredible family and friends supporting us it was the hardest thing Matt and I have ever been through. I went every day, twice a day 30 minutes away to visit Landon. I spent all my time away from Landon pumping, cleaning the pump stuff, and setting up to do it again. That was all I could do when I was away from him. I felt horrible, I was so mad at myself for not being able to carry him to term. In my mind I had failed him. All I could do was pump and provide for him that way. As thankful as I am for them it was so hard seeing the nurses care for Landon. I wanted to do it so badly, I just wanted to pick his little fragile body up and hold him and kiss him all over. But I couldn't I was restricted by the cords and the constant beeping of the leads falling off. It was terrifying. Every time we heard the beeping Matt and I would whip our heads to look at the monitor to make sure he was okay. 

Fast forward to June 28th, 2011 Landon came home and it just happened to be Matts first day at his new job. I went with my mom to pick Landon up and I remember running to the elevator being so excited! We had to take Landon home on a monitor to make sure he didn't forget to breathe. It was scary, but I knew he would thrive like he had since the day he was born. Landon was and always will be our angel baby. He is our blessing, he is stronger than I could ever be and the most loving little boy I've ever met. I am so proud to call him my son and honored to be his mother. I loved him since the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test. One thing is for sure Landon is so meant to be here!